Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Barsexuality is the new black.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
