Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
