when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
