I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
