Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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