I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
