im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
