I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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