I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
