I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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