You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
