i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
