apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
