I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
