it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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