dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
