I just cut my nipple shaving
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
