I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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