you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
