Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize