I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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