She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So many bounce houses so little time
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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