remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
