so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
