A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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