big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
