...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
