Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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