I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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