If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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