Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
