after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
