Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
