we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Are my feet made of real feet?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
