K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
