He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
