Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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