Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
