Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
