I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
