If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
