i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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