booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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