Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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