it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I touched a dick in church today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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