I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
