i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
