the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
