Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
