do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
