I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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