you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
