I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I believe in your delicious
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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