Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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