ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We are two peas in an std pod
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
