hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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