4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
