imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
