Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
