It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
try to milk me bitch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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