i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize