don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
