I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am one with the molecules
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
