So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
