she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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