Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
