how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
