when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
